Season Two Finale - (Part Two)

sorry about last night, the voice told me to go to sleep. i thought i had time, but they cut my bed time short, becuase they gave me a privelage of the light off. ok, so here's the rest.
i told valery i wasn't sick, just some stuff goin on. but i asked her to keep it hush hush, and just to tell the school i was sick. she gladly said sure, and was off. soon after she left, i walked upstairs into the hallway and something just hit me. i dont know why, how, or when. it just hit me. why my brother was dead.
alexis.
it's like something shouted it to me. the feeling turned my gut to mush, i felt like vommiting. i ran into the bathroom and did just that. i dont know if it was the drugs or the thought, but i vommitted. finnaly, i realized he was gone becuase of her. this all was because of her having sex with him. so i decided i wanted to do something. finnally, i decided, tomorow i would go to school.
the next day i did go to school, but it was odd, it's like everyone gave me these glances that really meant "look at him, his brother killed himself, the fucking druggie."
then i saw alexis. she walked by me, and hated her more and more. but then i grabbed her arm.
i guess i really grabbed it hard, because as soon as i did, she wimpered.
"come to my house...tonight." i said. she knew i was pissed.
she slowly backed away. i let go, and she walked away.
she didnt turn back. i didnt take my glance off her until i felt a shove behind me.
i turned to see what happend. paul.
he was standing there, sweater and hood on.
"I told you not to come to school." he said.
"that was awhile ago." i said to him.
"fuck you." his tone was fierce.
he walked away. i just looked at him. i leaned against the locker, banging my head backwards.
then i saw alexis run over to paul. she was talking, they looked at me.
during the day i just sat in the classes, not listening. i wwanted to get out of the class, so i just asked to go to the bathroom. instead, i went to my locker.
a note was taped to the door.
"finish her off with it." i just stared at it.
then i opened my locker. a sawed-off shot gun lay in there, center of everything.
i quickly slammed my locker. i opend it again, slowly.
i grabbed the fire arm and ran home.
that night i got a call
"I wont be home till late. make dinner" my mom said, and just hung up.
i hated her fucking guts.
soon the doorbell rang. alexis.
as i let her in, my hands started to shake. she sat in the living room.
"what could you fucking possibly want, you pschyco fuck." she said, with hate.
i grabbed her neck, and shoved her aganst the wall.
"you fuck whore. you did this to me, you did this to my brother." i yelled in her face.
she was coughing wildly. she clawed at my hands.
"you couldn't keep you fucking filthy hands off me or him, you stupid slut." i let her go. she dropped to the ground and i kicked her. i couldn't stop. it wasn't me, it was an animal.
she lay on the ground, sobbing, blood on her face and hands.
"you...have no idea." she said.
i got down.
"what the fuck does that mean?" i asked her, grabbing her shoulders.
"what did you think...that you could always fuck me? its like all you wanted to do...you didnt even love me..." she was crying. she couldnt stand it.
me either.
"YOU FUCKING THOUGHT THAT? YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU!" I grabbed her, threw her down again left her there. then i got it from my back pack. she groaned. crawling away, she whimpered. her voice echoed in my ears.
so did the gunshot.
i had missed her, but she was scared. i pointed it at her face.
"How the fuck do you like that...looking at the barrel of a gun?" i asked. i started crying, tears streamign my face.
"Why...the fuck did you do this to me and him??" I askd her.
I took the gun and pointed it towards myself.
"this is fucking hell..." i screamed at her.
the rest is from what she told me, later, while i was in the hospital.
i pulled the trigger. the gun went off, blew off the right side of my face.
alexis was splattered with my blood. i soon was knocked unconcious from shock. the whole time she stood there.
she finnaly called 911. i hadnt killed myself, i missed, but the bullet blew off enough of my face.
now, when i woke, they told me they had already done re-constuctive surgery. i didnt want to see myself.
a few weeks while i was in the hospital, i heard my mom had decided to live with her family in california. she didnt want anything to do with me.
alexis visited me once. just to tell me the truth.
that she never was pregnant. she told me that because she wanted to end our relationship. she said she never thought my brother would kill himself. i grabbed her neck, and strangled her enough to be taken some place.
so know im in rehab, but it's also like prison. the voice, who is the only thing that i interact with in my cell, tells me what's going on. then one day my father visited me.
"why did you leave?" i asked.
"I couldn't stand it...your brother gone." he said.
"you selfish bastard...what about me and mom? didn't you fucking think about us?" he never visted me again.
i've been in here for awhile.
in a few days i'll be 18, leaving me to be charged as an adult for assault.
alexis filed against me.
so this is it. this was me. from now on, i'll be behind bars, if convicted guilty. everyone says the chance of me being proven innocent is almost one in a billion. you think i would cherish all those times in high school.
but why me?
why me?
i guess the only good thing is the fact senior year, i wasnt there. paul brought in guns...killed half the senior class, since they were all in an assembly at the time. he ended up killing him self. the last things he shouted were:
"kris, you fucking cunt."
so that's it.
fuck you all.
every last one of you.

Season Two Finale - (Part One)

the bright light in this room annoys me, it annoys me when i try to sleep. the voice doesn't do anything about it though, which makes me angry.
the last time i wrote, remember?
the next day, i faked sick, but my mom didnt give a fuck. she was taking pills any way, so she had no idea what the fuck was happening. the ext day, i got kind of worried, bout that phone call. called paul, no on awnsered, so i called some kid. i asked him about school, he said nothign was hapening, same old shit. but after that, it was weird. i had a slow desecnt downwards. from then on, i started doing some shit, first pot, then i got into the heavier stuff. i used acid, angel dust, LSD, speedball.
my mom didnt give a fuck, from then on, she just went to work, came home, and shut her self up in her room. there was nothing more in the house. no love, no connection. then one day, after right after i used heroine, i walked into my brothers room. the first time since he killed himself. even with the drugs in my system, i still felt the pain. i sat on his bed and cried. i wanted him so badly. i just wanted to hold him for a few minutes. i wanted him to tell me to stop being such a pussy and that he was ok. but i couldn't. his pictures of his girlfriends of him lined the dresser. i took one, which was just him with me from a year ago. but the heroine was fucking with me. i heard these voices. then i saw him. i had turned around, and saw him sitting at his computer. i wanted to run over to him, but my legs made me stay put. i just looked at him. then he just went away.
that night i slept in his bed. i didnt bother to get up the next morning, just to get more drugs from my room. i went back to my bro's room, put in a cd, jimi hendrix, and just sat there, smoking pot. i shot heroine. i just layed there, and cried. i cried for hours, i think days. but i cant remember anything. i had never done any drugs before al this.
i hadnt gotten laid in awhile either. finally i got up. i looked out the window and saw my mom's car gone. i didnt care. i walked downstairs. soon after teh door rang. i opened the door. Valery, a girl from my school was there.
"hi..." i said.
"Kris, the school sent me over. you havent called, so they needed to know why. your phone isnt working, so they couldn't get intouch." she said. she was class pres., this being one of her jobs.
Valery had always had a crush on me. i hadnt really fully noticed it until now.
She walked in the house, i ran to the bathroom, and fixed my self up.
I saw her int he living room.
"So, why did they send you?" I asked
"the whole office is tied up, they elected me to go, since i wanted to see you. i was worreied."
she said
i guess i was so fuckin messed up, i dont remember telling myself to say this.
"are you a virigin?"
she didnt look shocked.
"no, i have had sex once." she anwsered.
"Oh really?" I said. I walked over to her.
she looked up at me. then she started to unbutton her shirt. i quickly grabbed a condom, slipped it on, and we had sex.
right there. on the couch...i didnt know hwo we got there. i was to high. we had sex on the couch, me on top, she moaned, i moaned. it was nice to be with someone. i felt cared for and loved for that time. reaching our peak, we finally just lay there. she looked at me.
"they must be wodnering where I am" she said.
"i know where you are..." i said.
she smiled. "kris...are you a virigin?" she asked.
then it hit me. i really wanted it back from alexis...i hated the feeling of losing something.
i didnt want to say that i had it so many times with Alexis...
"No" I said. "A few times before."
we stopped talking.
i kind of felt bad, about having sex right then...but i couldn't un do it.
we put on our clothing, and sat there. i looked at her and saw something i hadnt seen since i first loved alexis.
but then it was gone, momentarily.
i decide-
sorry...the voice is telling me it's tiem for sleep. its turning off the light, because ive been good. ill tell you the rest tomorow. night.
g'night...

Season Two - Ep. 11

I haven't talked to anyone in days.
Paul called me, but I didn't want to talk to him.
School was shit...I just went and came home, no interaction with anyone.
After my brother jumped, I called the ambulance.
They came and he was in the hospital.
Then two days later, I got the call.
My brother had died.
Yesterday, my father just left. No note, no nothing.
My mother is devasted, she hasn't talked to anyone since then.
She's sleeping now, and probabbly will for the rest of the week.
The phone rang and I anwsered it.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Kris. Don't come to school tomorow." They hung up.
I didn't know who it was until I glanced over at the called ID.
Paul.
I tried to call him, but the phone just rang, until I hung up.
Then, I had to call Alexis.
"He's dead." I said to her.
She was silent.
"Who?"
"My brother...because fo you..." I said.
I couldn't speak anymore.
"Fuck you Kris...fuck you." She hung up.
I hated her.
Everything was terrible.
Nothing was right.
Life shouldn't be like this.
I remembered the gun.
I had put it in my draw.
I reached for it.
It was there.
I looked, then did it.
I held it to my head.
The barrel of the gun felt cool against my temple.
I closed my eyes...
But I couldn't.
I couldn't leave my mother alone, everyone gone.
My father had called the night before, saying he was sorry, he just needed to go away.
But then he said he didn't think he was comign back.
I thought about suicide so much...
So I tried to call Paul again, to see what he meant.
I was going to have to go to school tomorow.
Not that I was being forced by my mother.
All she did was wake me up, get a power bar, and go to her room and shut the door.
I couldn't change what already happened.
I just wanted it all to stop.
"Kris, don't coem to school tomorow.

Season Two - Ep. 10

Today felt weird.
I haven't talked to Paul since.
I told him to never speak of what happened again, that I was straight.
Right after that, I went to this party and made out with this girl, just to make sure.
And I figured my self out, I'm not gay.
But Alexis was at the party.
And it reminded me what I had to do.
Tell my brother.
I got home that night late, but my brother was still up.
My parents had gone to see my mom's mom, who was sick in the hospital.
"Bro...can we talk?" I asked him.
"Your talking to me now?" He asked.
He was on the computer.
"There's something you need to know." I said.
"What?"
"Something happened..."
"To who?" He asked, alittle bit of worry in his tone.
I had to say it.
"The baby...the babie's dead..." I choked the words out.
He just stared at me.
Then I saw a tear.
He stood up.
"How...Kris...tell me how..." He said.
I couldn't tell him the truth.
"Kris...tell me." He said.
"I pushed her...Alexis...and somehow..." I looked at him.
He had no expression on his face.
"You...purposley?" He grabbed my shirt and pinned me against the wall.
"You fucking- you did it purposley!" He screamed.
"Stop! No...It was an accident." I yelled
"Fuck you, it wasn't any accident!"
He dropped me to the floor.
He ran from the room and went downstairs. I heard his car start as it screached away.
I ran to my car as fast as I could and followed.
He was driving fast, and saw me in his rear-view mirror.
I could see the tears streaming down his face.
And his car stopped at the bridge that connected us to one of the islands.
It was a tall bridge, almost 100 feet up.
He ran to it.
I got out of my car and chased him.
His feet were at the edge of the bridge.
"Don't fucking do it!" I yelled.
He turned to me, his face was red.
"You fucking jack ass! You did this purposley! You couldn't fucking accept the fact Alexis is a fucking slut and fucked me!" He yelled.
He was crying so hard.
I was crying so hard.
I fell to my knees.
"I don't want to lose a brother...I don't..." I screamed.
"Fuck you. Fuck YOU!" He said.
I ran to him and grabbed his back, throwing him backwards onto the road.
"Please...I love you man...your my brother...just stay with me..." I said.
He got up.
"It doesn't matter any more. No one gives a fuck!" He said.
I walked over to the edge and looked down.
"Don't." I said.
He walked next to me and turned towards me. He was crying lightley.
"Everything's fine man." He said and hugged me.
When I knew he wasn't going to do it, I hugged him so hard.
He whispered in my ear, "Everything will be all right."
Then he backed away.
Then he jumped.
I screamed as I tried to grab him.
I fell to my knees, crying.
"No...no..." I couldn't stop.
Then I blacked out.

Season Two - Ep. 9

No school today, due to a snowstorm that was supposed to be equal to a hurricane...though it never happened.
So, I tryed to call Alexis.
"Hi, is Alexis there?" I called her house.
"No, she's out right now." Her dad.
"Will she be back soon?" I asked.
"No." He said.
I hung up.
I called Paul.
"Hey, long time no see." He said.
I heard voices in the backround.
"Who's there, with you?" I asked him.
"Hold on." I heard him talk to the other person in the room. "I'll be right back."
Silence.
"Ok, I'm in the other room." He said.
"So who's there?" I asked again.
"Alexis." He anwsered.
I shuttered.
"What?" I tried to comprehend.
"Dude, I was going to tell you earlier, but I didn't get a chance. She asid you guys have been broken up for awhile, so I asked her out. And she said...yes. Please, please don't be angry." I heard him loud and clear...
"She told you what? But didn't she tell you about her..." I trailed off. "What are you doing..." I asked....but I didn't want to hear the anwser.
"Well, I'm trying to figure something out. I've been confused lately." I was still on the topic of Alexis. He kept on talking. "I haven't been with a girl, and haven't been attracted to any lately. So I'm trying to see if..." He stopped.
"Kris?" He asked.
"I'm listening." I said.
Paul swallowed.
"Remember Jermey...What he did? Not the suicide but the other thing..."
I suddenley knew what he was talking about.
"Paul...are you..." I didn't want to say anymore.
"Hold on...Alexis wants me. I'll call you later."
We hung up. The anger of knowinbg Alexis didn't care about me anymore, and she was trying to move on with my best friend, and the worry that my best friend was gay...
I didn't want to hear anymore.
I couldn't call Alexis.
After the phone call, I haven't spoken to her since.
My brother didn't know his son was dead.
He didn't need to know...yet.

Season Two - Ep. 8

No school today, due to a snowstorm that was supposed to be equal to a hurricane...though it never happened.
So, I tryed to call Alexis.
"Hi, is Alexis there?" I called her house.
"No, she's out right now." Her dad.
"Will she be back soon?" I asked.
"No." He said.
I hung up.
I called Paul.
"Hey, long time no see." He said.
I heard voices in the backround.
"Who's there, with you?" I asked him.
"Hold on." I heard him talk to the other person in the room. "I'll be right back."
Silence.
"Ok, I'm in the other room." He said.
"So who's there?" I asked again.
"Alexis." He anwsered.
I shuttered.
"What?" I tried to comprehend.
"Dude, I was going to tell you earlier, but I didn't get a chance. She asid you guys have been broken up for awhile, so I asked her out. And she said...yes. Please, please don't be angry." I heard him loud and clear...
"She told you what? But didn't she tell you about her..." I trailed off. "What are you doing..." I asked....but I didn't want to hear the anwser.
"Well, I'm trying to figure something out. I've been confused lately." I was still on the topic of Alexis. He kept on talking. "I haven't been with a girl, and haven't been attracted to any lately. So I'm trying to see if..." He stopped.
"Kris?" He asked.
"I'm listening." I said.
Paul swallowed.
"Remember Jermey...What he did? Not the suicide but the other thing..."
I suddenley knew what he was talking about.
"Paul...are you..." I didn't want to say anymore.
"Hold on...Alexis wants me. I'll call you later."
We hung up. The anger of knowinbg Alexis didn't care about me anymore, and she was trying to move on with my best friend, and the worry that my best friend was gay...
I didn't want to hear anymore.
I couldn't call Alexis.
After the phone call, I haven't spoken to her since.
My brother didn't know his son was dead.
He didn't need to know...yet.

Season Two - Ep. 7

I drove over to Alexis's place today after school. She wasn't in today either...
Her parent's weren't home.
I rang the doorbell.
Alexis opened the doors, shock in her eyes.
"Kris..." She whispered.
"I need to talk to you." I said
I walked inside and sat down on the couch.
"What's the matter?" She shut the door, and came over to me.
"I made a mistake..." I said to her.
"Wait...don't go any farther....I have to tell you something." She said.
I looked at her.
"I told my parents...about the baby." She said, slowly.
I just looked at her...shocked.
"What'd they say?" I asked her...
"They said it was my choice." She said.
I didn't want to say anything.
Fury and relief were building at the same time.
Fury, for her telling...and also relief for telling.
I didn't know what to say.
She sighed...
"I knew I shouldn't have told you..."
"No, no...I understand why you did it." I said to her.
"But...what if...what if I told you...I still loved you..." I spit out the words....
"Oh god...Kris..." She turned away.
I saw a tear run down her face.
"I don't know..." She said. "But it's not your baby."
"I know...that might piss me off, but I still ove you..." I tried to be sincere.
But I just couldn't tell her that part of me still couldn't take her back, due to the fact the baby was my own brother's.
"I see it in your eyes...You still can't accept the fact it's your brother's baby..." I couldn't believe she was saying this.
"Stop it..." I said.
I stood up.
"No. Because I can't love someone who feels hatred and love for me. I can't love someone who is jealous of their own brother." She just kept on going.
"STOP! SHUT UP!" I screamed.
But she kept on going.
And then it happened...
It was like a film with no sound, and I had no control of what was happening.
My arms flew out, hit her stomach, and pushed her backwards.
Her body fell like a rag doll onto the ground.
Then I realized what I just did.
"Oh my god...I'm..." I tried to say something.
She looked at me from the ground.
"You...you animal..." She said.
She tried to get up, but she sat back down in pain.
She touched her stomach.
"My stomach...it hurts..." She said.
"Alexis...I have...to go." I said.
I ran out the door and didn't look back.
______________________________________________________________
That night I was sitting on the couch watching TV.
The phone rang.
"Hello?" I said.
"Kris. I just went to the doctor." It was Alexis.
I tried to apologize.
"I'm so sorry...I got so angry...I didn't mean to." I said.
"Kris...Please...Just listen!" She yelled.
I stopped.
"The baby...." She trailed off.
All of a sudden I felt a chill.
Something was wrong.
"Tell me...please..." I said.
Silence.
"The baby..." She said.
"The baby is dead...when you pushed me...something happened Kris...You killed my baby..." She started to cry on the phone.
I just sat there. The words pierced my bran.
"You killed my baby..."
"You killed my baby..."
"You killed my baby..."
I hung up the phone.

Season Two - Ep. 6

I went to school today. There was no use in staying home.
It was one of those days where you think everyone is talking about you behind your back.
But it's really just your mind.
It's what happens when you realize you make a mistake.
It's what happens when you find out who you love...

Season Two - Ep. 5

I was sick today.
I couldn't go to school, that's what I made my mom believe.
She left and went to work, and stayed in bed.
I walked into my brothers room.
I was thinking about what he had done to me.
I needed to know why he did it.
I needed to know why his baby was inside of the person I loved.
I just stood there.
I sat on the side of the bed.
The phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Kris...It's Alexis." I just stood there, listening to her voice.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I love you...please Kris...I made a mistake..." She whispered.
I couldn't talk.
"Kris...are you there?" She asked softly.
"Yeah. I'm listening..." I let her speak.
"I made the largest mistake of my life...I love you, and only you...that's how it will always be." She said.
I couldn't believe her, not after what she did.
"Your pregnant, right?" I asked.
"...Yes..." She said.
"Knowing my brother had sex with you, and you haveing his baby inside of you is the worst feeling. You have no idea how much it hurts me." I said, a knot in my throat.
"I do! Oh god, Kris...you have no idea!" She said.
"Your right...I don't." I said.
"I'm sorry...for calling...Good bye Kris." She hung up...
I put the phone down slowly...
And then remembered the gun in my room.
I walked into my room and grabbed it.
I looked down at it, and got dressed.
Then I ran out to my car and drove off.
I knew what I had to do.

Season Two - Ep. 4

I didn't wake up until 3:00 PM today.
I forgot where I was until I remembered, Conneticut.
I didn't want to wake up...I never want to wake up again.
But when I did wake up, I noticed what time it was and took a shower.
When I got up, I saw there were two messages on the house phone.
Beep.
"Hey hunny, it's mom. Just calling to see how you are and how the house is. Love you, call me when you get this."
Then the other message.
Sobbing, cries...
"Kris...sob...Kris please....I....sob...sorry...sob....it's...sob, alexis.."
My fury flared. I took the phone and threw at against the wall. I pulleed the phone wire from the socket.
After that I got dressed and drove to town.
I decided to go to Starbucks, and sit...
I didn't want to sit there any longer.
I drove back to the house.
I just sat in the living room.
Then a thought flared in my mind.
Gun.
Hand gun.
Dad's.
I remembered he kept one in the closet.
I walked towards the hall closet, and searched. My hand felt the cool metallic handle and I grabbed it and took it down.
I walked outside, to the backyard.
The sun was going down. The lake reflected the golden color. I walked back inside and put the gun on the kitchen table and walked into my borther's room.
I opened his locked chest and took out the contents. A bag of Coke.
I just stared at it.
Then I opened it.
I sniffed.
Then I just dropped the bag and started crying.
I couldn't take this any longer.
I can't take it.
I don't want anymore of this.
I put the stuff back and walked out of the room.
I took the gun and everything else of mine and went to my car.
I started it up, and started to drive home, the gun on the passengers side.
When I finally got home, my parent's car was gone. They where usually out on Saturdays.
I opened the door, and went upstairs.
I opened my brother's bedroom door.
He was sitting on his bed, reading a magazine.
He looked at me, then dropped the magazine when he saw the gun pointed towards him...
BANG
The sound was so loud...
I saw what I had done...I hit his computer's monitor...
"Bro...come on..." He said to me.
I dropped the gun, and fell to my knees.
"Oh god...why...why did you have to..." I sobbed, the tears running down my cheeks.
"She was the only one I loved...you had to...ruin it..." I screamed on the ground...
He got up.
"I didn't mean to...It was a one time thing with her..." His voice got shaky.
I had never seen my brother cry. Never.

The tears rolled down his face.
"I'm sorry...I'm..." He hugged me.
He never hugged me either.
I hated this feeling, knowing my brother was human.
Knowing he had feelings.
"But you...you fucked her..." I said.
"I know...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."
But I couldn't forgive him...never.
I got up, and pushed him away.
"Sorry doesn't mean shit now, you fucking prick." I said.
He was left on his knees, there...sobbing with shock and sorrow. He fell backwards head in hands, and screamed his lungs out.
I just ran into my room and thought about the girl who split me and my brother apart.
The girl who had to pay for her recklessness.

Season Two - Ep. 3

I drove up to Conteticut today...
After school I called myparents to tell them.
My mom said, "If your going to go up the summer house, at least come home tonight. Your father and I are going to the New York Opera in a few minutes."
I drove up, and on my way, called my brother's cell.
"Yeah?" he anwsered.
"yo, are you gonna be home tonight?" I asked.
"Yeah, i'm gonna have some friends over."
"Fine, but I'm not gonna be home 'till tomorow. I'm going to the summer house." i told him.
"See yah." he said, and hung up.

I finially got up there, parked the car and went through the gate to the back yard. The lake looked perfect, just as it did last summer, the summer before that, and so on...
I went to open the back door. I looked in my pockets for the keys, but they weren't there. I went back to my car and searched everywhere.
"Fuck..." I said. They where on my dresser. I forgot to take them.
I got in my car and started it up. I drove out the drive way and back home.
______________________________________________________________
I arrvied home and was greeted by the pitch dark of the sky.
I got the door opened and went upstairs to my room. But across the hall in my brother's room, I heard mummurs.
I went to go and say hi, but when i was about to walk in, I saw Alexis and him, sitting with their back to me on the bed.
I stopped and listened...
"I have to tell him..." Alexis whispered.
"You don't...he doesn't know about it..." I heard my brother's voice.
"Yes...I think he has a pretty good idea..." Her voice was shaky, like she was crying.
"What do you mean...you told him?"
"No...all I said was 'Your the father...But I'm not sure.'"
Then silence.
"He knows...oh god..." My brother.
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!" Alexis yelled.
I stopped. I stopped breathing. I stopped moving. I just re-thought the words just spoken...
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"
The words kept replaying in my head like a virus...infecting every part of my body.
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"
My brother had fucked Alexis...My own flesh and blood...
And he knew I loved this girl.
"I can't have a kid now..I'm dating some one..." My brother stumbled.
"Me too...your brother. He doesn't know it's you...but when he does...Oh god, I can't even think what he would do..." Alexis trailed off.
I had to leave...I had to get out of there. I ran into my room, grabbed the summer house, went downstairs and opened the door...my impulse told me to queitly leave, but I wanted them to know..so I slammed the door shut and ran outside in my car. As I started the car, I saw Alexs and my brother run outside to see what the slamming noise was. Alexis saw me...
She saw the fury in my eyes and put her hand over her mouth...
...a tear strolled down her cheek...
My brother looked at me...he didn't look sad nor happy...his face was blank...
I drove off...
With the words of Alexis still with me...
"But I didn't tell him...he doesn't know you're the father!"

Season Two Premiere

i've been away. my parents temporarly sent me away, to be alone. i needed it. i couldnt be with anyone after what i saw.
when I got back, i went over to Alexis's.
"Kris..." She stood at the door, startled.
"Oh god...I love you so much." I said to her. I hugged her tightly and kissed her. We kissed for a long time. It felt so good to be back with her.
"I missed you.." She said.
We kissed. Finally we got in my car and drove. She told me to pull over on some deserted high way. I stopped. She got in the back and we had sex.
I missed the feeling. I missed having sex with alexis. it was the best. i missed her so much, i made it even better.
i was pushing. she was moaning. we were sweating. until somehow, the condom broke. and i came. and she layed there shocked.
i'm still waiting to find out if she's pregnant...she's so scared...i feel so terrible.
what the fuck will i do if she is pregnant?

Season Two: Ep. 2

Alexis wasn't in school today.
I got home and went to my brothers room. My parents were out.
"Hey bro." I said as I opened the door.
I was greeted by thick smoke.
"Shut the door." he said.
my brother wasn't a major stoner, but he smoked pot sometimes.
i didn't care.
"can we talk?" i asked him.
"While i'm stoned?" he asked. "you must be desperate."
"Yah...I'm in deep shit."
"What happened." he asked.
i breathed heavily, sucking in the smoke.
"i think Alexis might be pregnant."
He coughed and wheezed for a good two minutes.
"didn't you fuckin wear a condom?" he asked.
"it broke." I said.
"shit...here." he handed me the joint.
i needed a smoke. i sucked in the smoke, then coughed it out.
pot wasn't my thing.
"did she do the pregnancy test yet?" he asked me.
"lemme call her."
i picked up the phone and dialed.
"hello." I voice greeted me.
"hey, is alexis there?"
"yes, hold please."
It was her mom. she spoke proper english.
"hello?" alexis.
"alexis..." i spoke softly
"kris...listen..." i knew what she was going to say...she hated me
"my parents don't know...i'm not going to tell them."
"what, that we had sex?"
"no...I took the test...i'm pregnant." she spoke softly.
"oh god...listen...just come over...please." i said.
"fine" she hung up.
I slowly putthe reciever down.
"she's gonna have a baby." i said to my brother.
he looked at me.
"what you gonna name it?"
______________________________________________________________
alexis came over that night.
we were in my room just sitting there.
"what are we going to do...?" i asked her.
she walked towards me. I stood up.
she put her hands on my face.
"you know I love you...but this wasn't supposed to happen...oh god..." she put her hands down and covered her face. she looked back up at me. a tear was rolling down her cheek.
"shh..." i went to kiss her.
she moved her head. i looked at her.
"why don't you..." i looked at her and trailed off.
something in my eyes gave it away...she knew what i was about to say.
"fuck...no. no...i can't...abortion..."
"we have to...it's the only thing that will stop you from having a baby"
"are you fucking kidding me?" tears were streaming down her face. "my parents think i'm still a virgin." the tears were rolling down her face so fast...
"alexis, stop it..." I tried to calm her.
"do you have any idea how i feel? I'm going to have a child..."
she looked at me. her eyes were deep...
"your child." she said.
that hit me. that made me realize, it was my kid. i was a father...
then she turned away.
"what?" i said.
"but i'm not sure."
"what are you not sure of?" i asked her.
"i have to leave, now." she ran out. I chased her.
"wait, what? what aren't you sure of?"
she slammed the front door, got in her car and drove away.
i needed to know...i thought over our talk...
then it hit me...
" 'do you have any idea how i feel? I'm going to have a child...your child....but i'm not sure.' "
oh god no....she doesn't know if i'm the father......she...slept with someone else...
i couldnt speak another word.
i just layed down in my bed with the lights off, and tears rolled down my cheek.

Season One Finale

Jermey was online, but it said he was idle. Idle for two days. I didn't see him in school, and I didn't hear anything. I IMed him.
"You there?" I wrote.
Nothing. I waited. Still nothing.
"For christ's sake, where the fuck are you?" I wrote it in caps.
Nothing.
So later today, I stopped by his house. His parent's car was gone. No one. I walked to do the door and knocked, but as I knocked the door creeped open.
"Hello?" I shouted into the empty halls. No one...
So I went up the stairs. Something smelled terrible up there.
I saw his room. The door was decorated with the cheerful words, "Shut Up." I started to open the door, but a fowl odor blew me backwards. I finally kicked open the door, and saw it. Two bodies lay there...Both heads blown to pieces. But one was male, and one was female. I ran out. I ran as fast as I could

Season One - Ep. 14

I couldn't look at either of them today, Sadie or Jermey. At first I thought Sadie was being a moron, but then, after I saw her, how different she was in school, I knew something had happened. I had to tell someone, but I just couldn't do it. I was sitting in the library when Jermey walked up to me.
"Hey," he said to me. "What's the matter?" He asked.
I was suprised he would even talk to me.
"Is it..." I had to ask him. "Is it true?" I asked.
He stood, there looking at me for a moment.
"Is what true?" He asked, dumfoundedley.
"You know. Sadie told me. Is she lying?" I spit it out. I couldn't believe I had actually said it.
He stood there. His eyes looked emepty, and for the first time, I noticed a shift in his facial features.
"Fuck off." He said, then walked away.
I saw Sadie by the door, peeking at the scene.
Jermey walked up the stairs to the upper level.
Sadie moved from the door and into the doorway.
A tear rolled down her cheek.
Later that night, I was sitting at home.
The phone rang.
"Hello?" I said.
No anwser. I looked at the caller ID I just put in today. (I'm so good with electronics, ain't I?)
It's said 877-4526. Jermey's number.
"Hello?" I said again. "I know it's you Jermey." I heard heavy breathing.
Then I heard a click. But not the kind you here when someone puts down the reciever on the other end. It's sounded different.
Then he said it. "Fuck it." I heard Jermey say.
Than I loud BANG rang out on the other end.
I dropped the phone and fell backwards as the large sound still rang in my ears.
I knew what it was. I ran to the phone.
"HELLO? HELLO?..SHIT.." I yelled into the reciever.
I knew the sound.
It was the sound of a gun.
Silence on the other end of the phone.
Silence...

Season One - Ep. 13

Today we had no school, cause of some water pipe that burst at school.
So it was the middle of the afternoon, and I'm on the computer.
The phone rings and I pick it up.
"Hello?" I say.
I hear sobbing on the other end.
"Hello?" I ask again.
"K...kris..?" I hear through the sobs...
"Who is this?" I ask.
"Sadie..." She sniffles.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"He...he...he raped me..." She stumbled...
I couldn't believe it.
"Who?" I asked.
Silence...just sobs.
"Jermey." She finally said.
I just sat there...then the line went dead.

Season One - Ep. 12

Me, Jake and Paul were at the lunch table today and started talking.
"So, is Christie gonna go to the dance with you?" Jake asked.
Theres a dance on friday, guys ask girls.
Paul nodded, "Yeah, of course. You gonna ask Alexis?" He eyed me.
"Why not." I said back.
Paul said, "Who's Jermey gonna ask out?"
I just stat there, I didn't even look up.
"Dunno..." I mumbled.
"Oh shit, here comes Sadie..." Jake said.
"Hey Kris." She said.
"What do you want?" I asked her.
"You." She said.
"Fuck off..." I grumbled.
''Fine, be that way..." She walked off and I saw her sit next to Jermey.
"Look at her, all over Jemery." Paul said.
"Sluttt." Jake nodded.
Sadie kissed Jermey, he kissed back. Then they got up and left the lunch room together.
I just stared...wondering.
So after that, we get to math class.
I'm sitting there, teachers talkin, an I'm just thinkin',
What's up with Jermey? One minute he says he gay...the next he's not...wtf?
Ok, so later on at home I get a call from Alexis.
"Hey, you wanna come over tonight?" She asked me.
"Nah, I have to finish my report, but how about tomorow?" I said.
"Sure, just call me later." And she hung up.
I remebered somethign and quickly dialed Alexis.
"Alexis?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Listen, you wanna go to the dance wiht me Friday...?" I asked her.
There was a pause...then she anwsered.
"Sure...still have that report to do?" SHe asked.
I Smiled.."Nope, my parents aren't home."
She came over and as soon as she got in the house and came into my room, we started having sex on the bed. I kissed her and she kissed me and we began...

Season One - Ep. 11

Super Bowl Sunday!
So I invited the guys over to watch the big game. My parents were out to their friends hosue for the day.
I invited Paul, Christie, Jake, Danielle, Jermey, Alexis and Jen. Ben came with Paul.
I didn't even talk to Jermey, not even eye contact. I sat with Alexis and held her while we watched the tackles, passes and interceptions. My brother was home and watched the game wiht us. I looked down at Alexis. Paul was making out with Christie and Jake was making out with Danielle. Jermey sat on the couch.
I kissed Alexis, and felt her tounge slip in to my mouth. We started making out. She shivered, and I put a blanket on top of us.
We held eachother, and watched the game.
"I gotta go," Jermey got up.
"Why? Watch the game" Paul said.
"Can't. See yah guys." Jermey left.
I looked at Alexis, she looked at me.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang. I got up and opened the door.
Sadie was standing there.
"What are you doing here??" I asked her.
"You didn't think I was just gonna stop at head...Oh, I see Alexis is here." She said.
She put her hand on my shirt. "Tell them you'll be right back.."
"Hey..no way." I said.
"Tell them, or Alexis finds out." Shit, she's blackmailign me.
"FIne..." I yelled in to the living room, "Guys I'll be right back, I have to get something from my car."
I shut the door and she pulled me to the backseat of her car.
"You know you want to..." She smirked.
"I don't love you...I love Alexis." But deep inside, there was an erge for me to just do it...
I got out the car and left her.
"What did you have to get?'' Alexis asked.
"Forgot the beer." I lied.
"Oh." She said.
I sat back down. And saw that Sadie hadn't left. I decided to let it go.
After teh game everyone left except for Alexis.
She came up to my room, and we hugged and made out.
"So?" She said.
"What?" I asked her.
"Jermey...why do you think he left?" She said.
"I don't know. But it's weird. When he kissed me it was like, I didn't enjoy it, but it was...I don't know."
"What, are you confused now?" She asked.
"I..I guess...yeah...What if I am gay?" I stammered.
"Your not...your all mine..." She said.
Alexis got up, sat on my lap and started kissing me.
"Your right...he's gay, not me...I love YOU." I laughed.
She did too.

Season One - Ep. 10

So I called Jermey.
"You fucking liar," I laughed. "Alexis didn't lose her virginity to you."
"Yes she did!' He said.
"Then why'd she tell me I was the first?" I said.
"No fucking way...You guys did? Ok fine I was lieing." Jermey said.
"Have you done it with any girls?" I asked him.
He didn't anwser.
"Hello..." I said.
"Girls...I don't think....Come over. Please." Jermey said.
"Fine. I'll be there soon." So I left, and got to his house. I went in his room, he was on the computer.
"So, what'd you hafta say?" I asked him.
He sat on the chair next to the bed.
"I don't think...think...girls....I don't think girls are my thing." Jermey mumbled.
"W-what?" I asked him. I was stunned. He was the biggest player I've seen...
"When did this happen?" I asked him.
"Last year." he got up and walked by me.
He closed his eyes, sighed. Then he grabbed me and kissed me.
I pushed him away and got up.
"DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?" I yelled at him.
He held up his hand.
"I felt liek this since you and I became friends." He told me.
"Dude, I'm straight...I can't do that for you..."
"I'm sorry...I just..." He couldn't find the words.
"I have to go" I got out of there as fast as I could.
I got home and just fell on the bed. I called Alexis.
"You won't believe what happened...come over."
She came. I told her.
"No way. He's...gay?" she asked me.
"Obviously. I have you...so don't go thinking I'm gay."
She laughed. I kissed her.
She layed down on the bed. I turned off the light.
I felt her lips move down to my torso.
"I can't," I whispered. "I don't have a rubber....hold on...my brother may."
I found one...I went back in the room, slipped it on.
The light was off.
"Alexis?" I couldn't find her.
"mmm..." I crawled to her.
I kissed her toroso, it was warm. She took off her shirt.
I wispered, "I love you..."
She laughed...so did I.
Then we took off our clothing.
A few minutes later we were sweating, moaning, loving.
Then Jermey flashed in my head. I couldn't believe he kissed me.
Alexis sensed my motions differing.
"W...w..what's the matter?" she asked.
I stoped moving my torso...
"I keep on thinking about what Jermey did."
Alexis put her hand on my face, "Don't worry, you and me are together..."
I started again.
_____
After we finished, I just held Alexis. We knew this wouldn't last forever. We knew we had to make it last.
I just held her. I felt my eyes swell with tears. I knew something was wrong. I knew that something changed...

Season One - Ep. 9

The party...ok...
well...
Sadie and Alexis were there, talking. Sadie was talking to Alexis and acted like she did nothing with me. SO finaly, after a couple beers, Alexis invited me into one of the bed rooms.
"Alexis...What are you doing?" I asked her.
"I can't wait longer. Be a fucking virgin makes me wanna scream." She said.
I thought about it. "I'm not gonna have sex with you if you don't love me."
She kissed my neck and whispered in my ear, "I do...I've always loved you."
She began to hug me, I hugged her back.
"I want to show you how much I love you." She said.
"That means I'm gonna lose my virginity. It's not like somethng I could just get back." I said to her, thinking about what this would do.
"What, you don't love me? After everything I heard you say? That you love me?" She started to walk to the door, angry.
I got up and grabbed her by the arm. I whispered in her ear, "I love you...I love you so much."
She layed down on the bed. There was a box of condoms in the drawer. I put one on, and showed her how much I loved her. I had lost my virginity.
After that, I didn't know what to do. The sex was over, but I decided, I loved this girl. So I held her, held her close. I knew she would find out about Sadie, and something terrible would happen. But I didn't care about that, I juts wanted this moment to last forever.
We finally left the room. I had shown her my body, and lost my virginity to a girl I loved. I couldn't really believe it. It was nothing like how....doing it yourself was, if you know what I mean.
So Sadie wasn't there when we came back down from the room. People knew what happened. Most of the guys at the party looked at me and smiled. They knew.
FOr the rest of the party me and Alexis just held each other. I found out she lost her virginity to me also. We were together. And I wanted Sadie to be out of the picture. I regretted letting Sadie give me head.
So I went hoem after that. I told my brother. He congratulated me and said I was "a real man".
I felt like I had suceeded. I'm finally with the girl I've always loved. She's so beautiful... Now all I had to do was make sure Sadie never spoke to Alexis ever again...and that Sadie wouldn't think I still love her...SHIT. I told her I loved her....fuck fuck.......fuck.....
This isn't fucking good.

Season One - Ep. 8

My virginity is still entact, so says my bro. He says head doesn't count.
I feel terrible. I heard Alexis really does like me. Now she's gonna find out what Sadie did.
I'm goin over my friend Jermey's hosue soon.
He dated Alexis.
He said Alexis lost her virginity to him, I don't believe him though. Alexis isn't a slut.
Then I heard Sadie still is a virgin.
B.S.
I'll just have to find out.
There's a party tonight, everyones gonna be there.
I'm goin.

Season One - Ep. 7

So I went to dinner with Sadie. As we were walking back home, she justs stopped me in on the sidewalk, shoved me to the wall and started kissing me. Her lips were warm, and her tounge was warmer.
I let her do it, I decided, "Why wait for Alexis, if I need someone so badly?"
So we madeout, on the sidewalk, for about twenty minutes.
Finally, a cop told us to get out of there.
So I walked back to her place, arm around her.
She invited me up to her room.
Then, she kissed me on the bed. She pushed me down and started to take off her top.
"Sadie, listen..." I said to her.
She said, "Queit. You won't be for long. My parents are in Florida."
I let her go.
And she gave me head. That's all.
I mean, how can it feel really good if you don't like the person.
Don't get me wrong, it was better than chocolate in many ways, but what if I really love Alexis?
Then me and Sadie just sat there. I looked out the window.
She looked at me.
I wanted Alexis. I ruined everything.

Season One - Ep. 6

Sadie called today.
She wants to eat with me tonight at a pizzeria.
I'm not going.
I'm not going.
Fine, I'm going.

Season One - Ep. 5

I saw Alexis in the halls today, and tried to talked to her, but she was pissed at me for some reason.
Paul is fuck head, tried to make me look like shit today, it backfired.
My brother's girlfriend is leaving for London sooner than expected.
She's leaveing next Tuesday.
Oh god...he said he's getting that last fuck in....
Use protection!
So this girl, Sadie, is rumored to like me.
I don't know if I like her. What if I go out with her, but Alexis likes me...I don't even know if Alexis does...
James is gone, in Conneticut.
So now I guess I'll hang with Paul.

Season One - Ep. 4

James called.
He's going to Military School, so says his parents.
What a said day for all teens everywhere...

Season One - Ep. 3

My best friend, James, was kicked out of school.
He was caught with marijuana in his locker. I told him to take it out. So I called him tonight. He said his parents took away everythign in his room, and now he's goign to go to a psychiatrist. He got high in my room once, almost got caught by my mom. I tried it, but didn't really like it. The school's still deciding whether he's suspended or expelled.
This kid, Paul, who's probabbly one of the biggest jackasses ever, started saying stuff 'bout me today. I don't care, he could shove his foot up his ass. I hear he's on heroine.
Alexis made a move today in school on me. Or atleast I think she did. She sat next to me in History and moved her leg by mine. I didn't really notice since she moved it away...shit.
My bro just found out his girlfriend is leaving for London next month. She's going for some exchange thing, and will be back in the summer. He's pissed.
Calling Alexis...

Season One - Ep. 2

So what do you wanna know first?
My brother, or me?
Let's start with my brother.
He lost his virginity last year, when he was in 10th grade.
One night, he was at a party, and saw a girl who he went to school with.
Either they were drunk, or whatever, he scored.
I know the details, but I'm not saying anything.
After that, he had sex a few more times.
He has a girlfriend, so they get it on.
I don't really care, and its great, because...well, he gives me....pointers....
Any way, now about me.
I'm 16, I don't currently have a girlfriend.
The thing about me getting to second...
Me and this girl, Kelly, met while we were camp counselors at some sleep away camp.
Everynight, a few counselors stay by the bunks to make sure no kids leave them at night.
All the other counselors can do whatever they want.
So there's this hang-out spot in the woods that only counselors know about, called "The Hole".
We were drinking a little bit, then started making out.
Kelly took off her shirt.
She had big tits...And she was hot.
So I felt her up...
Not like what my brother did, but hey...
Third base isn't so far away.
I guess there's this girl I like.
Alexis.
She's hot and cool.
We're friends...for now.

Season One Premiere

So here's the deal.

My name is Kris.

I'm in 10th grade.

I don't have a girlfriend.

The farthest I've gotten is second, with this girl I met when I was a camp counselor last summer.

I have a mom, dad, and older brother.

My brother's in 11th.

He's not a virgin.